I love the journey Ann and Jerry are on! They met when she was in her sixties and he, in his seventies … they became a committed romantic couple but maintained their own spaces (living apart together, or LAT) … then got married and still happily lived apart. And, their relationship continues to evolve! Here’s a Washington Post article about them tying the knot.

The tape in this episode is from 2018.  I’ve never before aired it — but if you think Ann’s voice sounds familiar, you’re not wrong. Ann back then gave me an unsolicited quote about their sex life. It’s so delightful, part of it has been included throughout the years in Dating While Gray show trailers as well as promos on shows like 1A. Here’s what she revealed:

ANN: “I shouldn’t say this, but I will. At 85, and going on 80, we still have a wonderful sex life.”

LAURA: Can we talk about that?

ANN: Sure. Well, I can tell you that – I won’t go into blow-by-blow details — we still have a very active sex life. Jerry loves sex. He thinks he’s 14. And I enjoy him. And he’s very affectionate. We are very affectionate. … We’re not dead. Just old!

***

While I’m at it, here’s something extra Jerry said about Ann:

JERRY: “I like to tell people I have this young chick I married, six years younger than me. And hot chick, I tell them. And she’s my trophy, baby.”

***

Awwww. Isn’t love lovely?

 

LAURA STASSI

I believe that happily ever after is a process, not an endpoint. What I mean by that is, after you’ve found “the one,” you don’t say OK, all the work is done. We’re going to just march on, blinders on, the same as we are today.

Because we all know that inevitably, stuff happens. Especially as we grow older. Issues related to health, family, finances – who knows what might crop up to mess up our best-laid plans. Or, we might simply reconsider what we thought we wanted on things like where, and how to live.

The couples who navigate these twists and turns … these are the ones who are living, every day, happily ever after. And I can’t think of a couple who better exemplifies the happily-ever-after process than Jerry and Ann.

 I met Jerry and Ann in 2018. Back then, Dating While Gray was merely an idea that I was developing into a show, in a podcast incubation program. There weren’t any guarantees that any of us participants would go on to become podcasters. But as I told Ann, I really wanted it.

ANN:

I hope you win this thing.

LAURA STASSI

I may have been a rookie with audio. But as a seasoned writer, I knew the makings of a great story. And Jerry and Ann were living it. Ann shared some of the details with me at a Saturday potluck breakfast that Jerry hosted for our running group. They were both game to talk more for tape.

As it turned out, Jerry had a friend over when I arrived at his house a few days later for the interviews. You may hear them in the background when I’m talking with Ann.

JERRY

I was divorced in — oh my – ‘92. Divorced in ‘92. And I met Ann in 2004, I had been working overseas for 20 years out of Washington, and the last three years of my assignment in Egypt, I ran the program in Egypt. And when I came back, that’s when I met Ann.

ANN:

I was the director of the Statue of Liberty in the Ellis Island Museum in New York. And men found me threatening because I’m sort of a powerful woman with a big, had a big job. And so some men don’t like that. I think in today’s age there, it’s not so prevalent. But in my age, it really was. I had no trouble meeting men. And which I did, but they weren’t either interesting or interested. And so it never clicked. I mean, I’ve gotten to several men in my lifetime. I was overseas during the Vietnam War and works to civilian for the Air Force in Okinawa, and I went with somebody there for over a year.

But  I dated a lot of men in my life  and I’m grateful I never married any of them. because I know some of them still or what happened to them and their wives look at him and go whoop good nothing I didn’t marry that one.

After I retired, I moved to Park City, Utah, with another man and skied for four years. And that really didn’t work out. He wasn’t for me. So I came back to Washington, D.C., my original home. Jerry had just come back from living in Egypt, where he had was working the last three years, and mutual friends thought, hey, they need to meet each other. So we were introduced and I we met for drinks at around one o’clock in the afternoon. And through dinner at 8 pm. We stopped talking, and we started going out.

JERRY

No, I enjoy living with somebody else. But I also have a life that I didn’t want to give up. Didn’t want to change, didn’t want to move. I’m also very set in this old dirty old house. And I have my friends. And I had my activities. I was taking classes, art classes and all kinds of different I was writing my memoir had memoir classes here. I had friends that I ran with for Tuesdays and Thursdays and Saturdays and Sundays. There was a movie nights where people would host movie so there’s a whole social life out here. I didn’t want to give it up. And on the other hand, had her contacts in Washington and around her area, and she had to earn interest. And we were always maintaining separate houses. So the thing was working so well. The arrangement was so well, we had our lives. We had a little break between meetings I always look forward to and coming back was never any problem. If there was ever a problem. By the time she came back. It was all over. If we ever had an issue, and we rarely had issues, but you know, it could be your mixer. We talked every day, but I knew she was coming on Friday. And I knew she was leaving on Monday. So as long as the woman was out of the house by then it was okay. No, I’m just kidding.

ANN

It was convenience. I’m very involved in Washington, D.C. I sit on boards there. And my most of my friends are in Virginia or Washington. And Jerry’s life is in Reston with his running buddies. And classes he takes out here also at the time. So it just made sense not for me to move to Reston. My place is two-bedroom condo, and there’s really not enough room for both of us and my clothes.

So it just is was a matter of convenience. Also, you know, not to see each other Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. These are not big days. And you can go do your own thing. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me, how can I get one of those?

JERRY

I run races. I’m a competitive runner, and I’m at the top of my class. I don’t know what happened. But some DNA was in here. I started running when I was 48. And I was a fast runner. So I found out that I was winning races. And then when I met Ann, which is really when I came back from overseas, she came to all of my races. Every one of them, she would drive me there and drive me back and support. It was, uh, we’re coming up on…

ANN

Tomorrow will be my 80th race to go to. And we’ve been to marathons all over the world.

LAURA

So you’re keeping track.

JERRY

She counts, she counts. She wakes up pre-dawn. And she hates it, but she does it and she cheers and she doesn’t run at all. But she has become over the years. A really a running guru. She can now give advice to people and coaches people she can’t because she knows that she’s picked it up in a simulated, I go off and run she gives me a kiss and says, I say what’s the advice she says run fast but not too fast. Kiss me and off I go.

My fastest one was when I was 66 – 3:28. Three hours and 28 minutes. And a couple of Boston’s … she was at Boston cheering me on and a couple of New York marathons.

ANN

JFK 50 miler.

JERRY

Fifty miles, yeah. Yeah, I came in first in my age group one year and second, and second year, eight years apart. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It was good. So I was really runner. And anyway, I had a hip replacement. And that kind of was a punch in the stomach. Because that was my life. I was known as Jerry the runner. So it gets me emotional. Sorry. Funny … So she … she did pull me through the punch in the stomach. And oh, my running and …

ANN

Three weeks at my house with a hip replacement. My house.

JERRY

So we got through that crisis and then another crisis when my oldest daughter – my oldest daughter passed away at the age of 42. Down syndrome. Fantastic child. So she got me through that one too.

Yeah, and then the pacemaker came in. And thyroids and hip replacements and all these other things. But anyway, after six years, I decided against doctor’s orders to start running again. He said never run again; don’t even run for bus or a taxi. I started two years ago, and I’d been racing again. I was running marathons, but I ran this year around a couple of 10K races and came in first in one of them, and five-mile races. And then I decided I’m just jeopardizing my hip by doing this. But psychologically, I feel so good  having this comeback as running again.

ANN

The thing I loved about Jerry, is that Jerry’s not threatened. Jerry is super smart. Jerry was the whole package. I didn’t expect to get married. We had talked about, kidded about it and said, Oh, maybe when you’re 80, we’ll get married. And then we kid it about, oh, and you’ve done everything else in your life. But that, because I’ve done a lot.

I got married for the first time at 75. Well, it was a weird decision. We were in Croatia. And we’re sitting in a cafe outdoors. And all of a sudden, Jerry’s down on one knee, with the most god awful, ugliest ring you’ve ever seen in your life. And it’s a Murano glass ring. He paid eight euros for it. It was blue with a yellow flower in the middle of it. And he told me he paid extra euro for the cardboard box. And he’s down his knee and I’m going oh my god, what is this? What is this? And he says, We’ve been together 10 years. Life’s been wonderful. And I’d like us to be together for 20 more, and I’m thinking 20 more? He’ll be 100. And I couldn’t answer him. I mean, I didn’t know what to do. I just was shaking. And then he said, you can’t have the ring unless you say yes to this ugly ring. And I started laughing and I said yes. And then we both cried, and then the waiter helped him get up. (Laughter)

 And that happened in April and October we got married. And I had a huppah and a rabbi, and a friend played the guitar. And I wore a long white gown. And I walked down the aisle and very solemn very quiet to “Here Comes the Bride.” And when I got to the door the opening were all the people were got in their face. Music stopped and the music started and I yelled at last and Etta James started singing “At Last” and everybody cracked up, everybody laughed. So that last just happened so that was it. And our relationship is still thriving

 When the day comes that one of us should not live alone, then we’ll consider living together. As far as his house, I would very much like him to sell his house and get an apartment. This is a four-bedroom, three-and-a-half bathroom townhouse with lots of stairs. He does stairs okay. I  do stairs semi okay now, not always. And there’s a danger going up and down stairs, also, for both of us. So I feel that eventually, he needs to move.

He doesn’t want to deal with getting rid of his stuff. So doesn’t look like we’re moving anytime soon. If we did move in, if he moved into an apartment, then I would probably move in with him. He has macular degeneration and glaucoma. So in the near future, he’s not gonna be able to drive anymore. We did talk about moving into senior living. In fact, we put a deposit — which is not a lot of money — on two different styles of senior living. I don’t think we’ll ever move to either one because we really don’t want to change our lifestyles. And we can take — hopefully take care of each other.

 LAURA STASSI

That’s Ann and Jerry, in 2018. Jerry’s now 91, and Ann is 85. Since our conversation, they’ve navigated a few more twists and turns. They’ve given up their separate homes, and they’re now living together in a retirement community. Not in his hometown of Reston, or her hometown of Arlington … but a new hometown kind of in the middle.

It’s still a happily ever after, one day at a time.

 END CREDITS

Speed Dating While Gray audio production and mix is by Steve Lack: Audio. For more on the show, including how to get in touch with me, go to datingwhilegray.com. I’m Laura Stassi. Thanks for listening.

Episode transcripts are posted on the Dating While Gray website before they are thoroughly proofread. The audio of this episode is the authoritative record. For terms of use and permissions, please email laura@datingwhilegray.com.